What you care is all that matters...

Life goes on, things just happen and when they do you have the dilemma in your hands. Do you care what other people think about you, your family, your looks, your work, your personal style, your profession, your life?

We are all individuals and we all have different take on this subject, of course. It's not up to me to tell you how anyone should behave and/or act in any given situation. Essentially, in order to survive and hopefully to enjoy and appreciate life we need to develop our own set of values when we face the inevitable, people having opinions about ourselves, our family, our looks, our work, our style, our profession, our life.

My take on this subject is obviously is based on my own experiences and by no means is the silver bullet. I merely hope to awake your curiosity, remind you to think about the subject and make you aware of the fact you and only you hold the key to your own answers. I found our the hard way that I, many years ago, payed attention and was affected the fact that others had opinions about me and the way I behaved.

I started digging at the library, yes a physical library where you can borrow books, and later on internet and have now an understanding my own belief system and how I can cope with it.

I understood that, I had to be the first person to convince and appreciate myself. I started very simply making notes, daily basis, things I considered as achievements during the day. I also looked at who I was. Some of my attributes were decided by coincidence, attributes like gender, age, country of origin, hair colour, nationality, name and so on, you get the picture. To put in another way, I happened to be born in year of 1966, in Kelkit, north eastern Türkiye as the first born child of turkish parents and was given the name Ergin. I had nothing to do with any of these, apart from the fact that I was the "best swimmer" of many many sperms. :-)

Where and how I was brought up of course affected my personality and my belief system. When I look back to my life, in my early teens I was aware of this notion, I couldn't articulate it well but I was aware. Now I take pride in the fact that I'm turkish and have later in life chose to be a love immigrant, moved to another country, Sweden, for love of my life.

Long story short, first step was to appreciate my self and build on that. I knew that if I was going to be any help to my family, friends and loved ones, I had to love my self. I had to change a few, well quiet many actually, of my own beliefs and paradigms. Some were simple and easy, others were complicated and painful. Take my word for it, it takes time and it helps to document, making notes.

Next step came rather naturally to me, by chance in later years. I have always liked to read about Rumi, a 13th-centry poet, jurist, theologian and Sufi mystic. One day, when my flight was delayed from Istanbul, I found his books and tapes in a store and later started reading and meditating. I nowadays do this when I am out running and the mystical music help me to visualize.

These two steps I mentioned above helped me ground myself and gave me the energy and strength start communicating to people around me and eventually the world who I was, who I wanted to be and how I wanted to get there. I felt confident, proud and in peace with myself.

I now track my achievements by sending letters to myself every 6 months (at least). I get the idea from a management training from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I also started practising the art of prioritization, which I learned from a dear friends of mine, meant actively choosing things I should not be doing, which basically meant saying "No". My son, my guru, Håkan, gave me valuable lessons on this topic and he still do. I'm privileged to have access to my guru daily basis. :-)

Obviously this topic is very dear to me and I probably can write more. I think I'll stop very soon by saying, "what you care is all that matters". It takes some alterations in your belief system and paradigms, the progress can take a while and sometimes it even can be painful. Your are hereby warned!!!

I wish you can find your answers at the library, at the internet and I hope you've got some pointers of my experiences. If you don't that's okey too.

Believe in yourself and be yourself. We human beings can cope with more than we think when it comes to it. Wishing you all the best!


 

You don’t need to rush…

It’s yet another new year’s eve, according to Gregorian Calendar that is. All around the globe people from different countries, cultures, ages, beliefs  and religions will be celebrating. Many of them will be making new year’s resolutions, with good intentions when making these resolutions and unfortunately majority of them fail. The pop ten resolutions that fail are

• Lose Weight and Get Fit
• Quit Smoking
• Learn Something New
• Eat Healthier and Diet
• Get Out of Debt and Save Money
• Spend More Time with Family
• Travel to New Places
• Be Less Stressed
• Volunteer
• Drink Less

Anyhow, that’s not the point I wanted to make. I just want to share with you the way I nowadays think, after many years of own painfully acquired experiences of failed resolutions. I found out the hard way that making resolutions are totally okey. Making a resolution is basically in my own thinking means that you make a commitment to yourself, for yourself to make changes in your life, however small they may be, the resolution means a huge a lot to/for you. If it were not you would not make the commitment in the first place.
 

Making changes are I believe are all about paradigm shift (or revolutionary science) is, according to Thomas Kuhn, in his influential book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1962), a change in the basic assumptions, or paradigms, within the ruling theory of science. In order to change a paradigm I firmly believe that you need awareness of the present status of the resolution, acknowledge its’s effects on you, assess the level of commitment needed to achieve your targets and finally ask yourself if you are prepared to do what’s required. When you paid your dues, then and only then you’ll get what you deserve and be able to appreciate the results of the changes you made.

So, do you still feel like you want to make a new year’s resolution? Do you have the awareness of what needs to be changed in your life? Do you acknowledge the effects of them in your life? Have you assessed if you’ve got what it takes to make the change? Do you commit to that? Are you prepared to pay your dues? 

If not, take your time, don’t rush it. Instead make a resolution on another day, why not at March eqinox when spring comes and you get energize with more sun light? Or at Summer solstice, with midsummer songs and dances? There are so many other days like September eqinox or Winter solstice or any other day for that matter?

In my humble opinion I think resolutions are about making changes happen when you are ready and making changes for yourself. It doesn't really matter when you decide to make the changes so you'll know when it's the right time. You'll know when it's time to cease the day, when it's time to act on love, when it's time to be there for a friend, when it's time to be yourself, when it's time to be the nice guy, when it's time to be one of many nameless heroes.

So take it easy and enjoy your new years eve. You really don’t need to rush. I'll see you around!

Happy holidayzzZzzz...

It was dark this morning, the 19th of December 2014, as I was driving to Stockholm City. Even I miss the snow, not that because I am a winter person. I would like a little bit more of light instead of this dark heavy grey which seems to incapsulate us all...

In the radio stations many X-mas songs which bring a little bit of joy, radio presenters make an effort to wipe a little bit of the grey. When it's 07:00 CET it's the news Swedish Radio P1. I listen very keen to the news from Lebanon, about many Syrians families whom seek refuge and their huge humanitary needs of food, clothes, shelter, sanity and as well as notion that people from all around the world think of them. I would like to think that many people all around the world are in search of ideas so that they are able to help somehow.

I think we human beings need both of these realities. We need to chrerish these moments where we can be together with our families and loved ones to "fill up our emotional tanks" so that we have the energy needed to give a helping hand, whatever small it may be to those whom are in need.

So let us all celebrate holidays a little bit extra this year, get some well needed rest for the daily hassles, focus on the godd stuff. Let's all take the discussion with those around. I am a hundred percent sure that you'll find we all share the same willingness to be there for those who are not so priviliged as we all are.

Happy holidays! Until the next time we bump into each other, take good care of yourself, your loved ones and what a hell, take good care of everyone. :-)

You'll know when it's time...

It's human nature I guess, the desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. You know the feeling, it starts as a "why not", and after that "why not me", transformed into a "I wish" and later into "I'd like to" which you can now put into words and describe for yourself and more importantly you can describe to others, your friends, your colleagues, your family. You make the feeling to your own and suddenly you just know, it's time.

The decision process can be long and sometimes painful. I have learned to cherish the time. As I look back I am glad for the sleepless nights, I am happy for the countless hours of struggling to put my ideas into a piece of paper. Later in the process I have had the luxury of discussing my ideas with my friends and loved ones whom contributed to shape the idea into something tangible. They all helped me to get by and gain the power I need to take the next step.

Now I know what I want and I am pleased with the notion. I not only know where I want to be but also know my path and have a pretty good idea when I'll be there!

I know it's time, it's happening, it's now. I am going to make it happen!
Are you curious, may be a little, if you are, STAND BY. If not, thanks for reading so far, I'll see you around!

It's the day, it's D day (D as in my Daughter Denise)

It happened, my precious daughter have moved out to her own place. This week (1st week of September 2013) we have helped her to pack her stuff, drove them to her new place, carry things up. Today, the 4th of September, was the D DAY, we took the rest of her stuff to her new apartment. She is now settled.

I knew that this day was going to come, I prepared myself for many years. As I sit in her empty room, hear echo of me typing this blogg of her walls, I am filled with gratitude. I share her hopes and I share her joy. She is taking her first step into adulthood, whatever that is.

I am proud of her, I am proud of myself and I am proud of us as family. I sincerely thank her for being who she is, she is brave, honest and stand up not only for others but also for herself. She is a great young lady with all her future ahead of her. She gave me so many great moments, I cannot thank her enough. She thought me so much about life and myself, there is no way to pay her back. I just want her to know that she is the best daughter ever.

It's the day, it's D day, as in Denise. I wish you all the best. You know that I love you and I'll always will.

I can hardly see what I type, as I wipe tears of joy. Looking forward to new firsts with her. First coffee in her new place, first dinner, first Christmas, first .....

Det är upp till dig och allt börjar med dig.

Dagarna är långa, ljuset regerar och det händer en hel del omkring. Händelseutvecklingen i omvärlden skakar om våra tron, föreställningar och uppfattningar. Det avslöjas att NSA lyssnar tele- och internet trafik i USA och världen. Det har även avslöjats att Storbritannien avlyssnade världens ledare under några möten. Snart boken 1984 är en verklighet med den stora skillnaden att det händer i väst världen, inte bakom järnridån i öst.

I min stad, Istanbul, har protesterna gått i flera veckor. Människor, främst unga finner inte längre sig i att styrda på ett odemokratiskt sätt. De kan skilja vad som är retorisk och vad som är autentisk. De styrande gör sitt yttersta för att förvirra och undvika debatten. I Brasilien har protesterna startat mot orättvisorna, höga priserna och hur inkomsterna fördelas. Däremot verkar var för tillfället relativt lugnt i Sverige. Igår påbörjades busstrejken Södertälje, stora delar av Stockholm och flera andra städer. Även om tågstrejken undveks i sista stund lär det vara en intensiv trafik inför midsommar. Det är dagen då vi ska vara med våra nära och kära. Vi ska umgås, äta, dansa, skratta, kramas, gråta. Det är mycket umgänge som skall  hinnas med på några få dagar.

Det får mig tänkte hur var det innan informations samhället och innan det industriella samhället. Vad har vi lärt oss vår historia? Har vi blivit bättre och har vi dragit det rätta lärdomarna? Det finns de som hävdar utvecklingen sker i en cyklisk rytm och det går samtidigt fortare och fortare. Även om jag själv är obotlig optimist, är jag snarare en skeptiker när jag betraktar händelseutvecklingen.

Ungdomsarbetslösheten är en stor fråga inte bara i mitt kommun, Södertälje, det är också en stor utmaning i Sverige och Europa. Många nyanlända till Sverige och Europa möter en medvetet eller omedvetet hinder på deras väg in till arbetsmarknaden som försenar deras integration. De glider istället isär från samhället och deras framtidstro naggas i kanten. Många affärsbeslut fattas på kortsiktiga grunder och de långsiktiga/strategiska parametrarna väger inte lika tungt. EU, USA, Kina, Japan kämpar för att få ordning sina ekonomier.

Vad är då lösningen och vem skall fixa detta?

Det är upp till dig och allt börjar med dig. Börja med att ta hand om dig själv och unna dig något. Slösa lite av din tid, engagemang och energi för dig själv. Umgås med vänner och bekanta som du vill umgås med. Slöa en stund i soffan. Om du har varit spänd kanske lite massage eller spa. Kanske skorna/klänningen/kostymen som du så gärna vill ha, inte för att du behöver det, därför att du förtjänar det. När du har tagit hand om dig och har energi över, ta stund och fundera på vad du kan göra för att förändra världen, vad skulle kunna vara ditt bidrag för att förändra samhället. Det räcker ibland med att inte göra något som människorna i Taksim torget.

Vi alla kan, bör och ska göra insatser stora som små. Det du gör räknas och det du gör behövs. Det finns många behövande, också i din närmaste omgivning som skulle uppskatta en som du. En som kan lyssna, en som kan engagera, en som har tid. Eller varför inte vidga dina gränser och samtala med kollegan som du har sett och har bara sagt "Hej" otaliga gånger, i korridoren, vid hissen, i lunchkön. Ta tid och lära känna henne/honom, du "riskerar" att hitta en vän för livet. :-)

Jag tror att om vi individer river de barriärerna som vi har i våra huvud kommer även företagen göra, likaså politiker och länder. Tron, föreställningar och uppfattningar går att ändra.
Vi kan förändra oss själva som påverkar våra närmast sörjande som påverkar sina likaså. Som ringar i vattnet sprider det sig så att tron, förställningar och uppfattningar ändras som påverkar opinionen som påverkar politikerna som påverkar hur länder styrs som förändrar världen.

Det är upp till dig och allt börjar med dig.

Trevlig mid-zZzommar!

Change is all around us!

Change is all around us, everything is changing whether we want it or like it.

The principles of different economical systems are based on ever changing parameters. Market places assess value of companies and products, stocks and rates go up and down every second. Seasons change, now from spring to summer. We human kind do our best to adapt to new weather, economy, friends, partners, job and so on...

All around the news channels reporters bring the latest changes from all corners of the world thru newspapers, radio and TV. A short while ago banks have been closed for many days in Cyprus.  In other places companies laying off personnel, a lot of people face unemployment, it's hard out there! People are in the streets, demonstrating in Stockholm, in Gothenborugh, in Malmö, in Istanbul and in many other cities of Türkiye, in many EU countries like Spain, Portugal, Italy and Cyprus .

The message is the same, politicians were/are not in touch with reality and day-to-day challenges of people. I try really hard to imagine, how life is like for brothers and sisters in all of these places. Who is accountable for what is going on? Is it the politicians whom neglected the development for many years? Is it the people whom voted for again and agin and elected the same politicians?

I wish the answers were simple and easy to identify, so that we could diagnose it and find solutions. Instead of analysing what's going on, I would like to share a quote from Mahatma Gandhi;
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

It's time to get up, shake off and start TO BE the change, EMBODY the change, EMBRACE the change and PROMOTE the change. You let your actions to be your voice! You let everyoneelse to know that you think, speak and execute the same. Your ideas and actions are well grounded and well analysed. You're prepeared to go long ways to get what you deserve!

Ouside it's over 20 degrees. This morning when I was at the balcony enjoying a cup of té towards south where sun was shining with all it's glory, I wondered what changes would I face today. Is it possible to prepare yourself for changes everyday? Am I prepared for todays challenges or will I make up as I go? 


I will try to be more aware of the changes around me, I will embrace the change instead of seeing as a potential threat. I know that change also bring new opportunities, if you have the awareness and the ability to see and adjust to it.

Change is all around us, everything is changing whether we want it or like it.