Priorities - important to get them straight!

Early this morning, 8th of May 2014, as I was on my way to first meeting of the day, 07:20 in the morning, at Drottningsgatan in Stockholm, out of Hennes & Mauritz, people, mostly young women were queuing in this rainy day. They simply needed to be there, it was vital for them.

I couldn't help myself reflecting on that, as I continued towards Stureplan where I needed to be very soon.

It brought back memories from my youth. Some of you have already heard when I do public speaking about "My journey". Among other  things I also talk about the military coup in Turkey in 1980 and necessities like bread, butter, meat, electricity and water were ransomed. This meant that most of my early teenage years went by with going up early to stand in queu for life's necessities. I can't remember for how long exactly but it was for a long time. I am still today doing alsmot everything that I can to avoid queuing for anything.

When I reflect back to those days, I am very thankful. We at least had something to queu for, we had expectations, we had hope. We, well parents, had money so that they could buy those necessities.

It's sad to know that today, the same day, 8th of May 2014, in places not so far away from us, may be in your neighborhood there are those whom have lost the most essential neccesity of them all, they've lost hope. They are left with resenment for the system, for the politicians and unfortunatily for humanity.

It's important to get your priorities straight.Some of us queu for fashion clothes, some for newest gadgets, some for necessities and some just do none of the above.

Well, it's not an happy ending this time, I have no moral message or a quick fix. So it's all up to you this time. What do we do to instate hope for those whom need it most? Feel free to share your point of views.

Cya!

I dare you to take a stand against "lagom". Who is with me?

I have lived in Sweden over 20 years and was introduced to "lagom" phenomenon. In theory it all sounds great to do things "lagom" in your life, in your work place, training and so on. The challenges is to determine how much "lagom" is lagom for each and everyone of us in every given situation.

In later years I have started having difficulties with "lagom". My own personal conclusion is "lagom" is how the community imposes it's own set of values to box you into a shape you don't want to be. If you are only inches away from "lagom" you're heading to the wrong direction, according to those whom cannot help to put their nose into others lives.

I am all for living the life to the fullest. Why should I settle for "lagom", "just the right amount" in many areas of my life when we can pursue and achieve greatness?

I want my food to taste fabulous, not lagom. I love when I can cook a dish where I mix hot, spicy, sour and sweet and appreciate all the tastes. I love the exotic dancing of the flavors and the feelings they give me, believe me it's far from lagom.

When I am around someone I dearly care about, my family or my dearest friends, I want him/her/them to feel the way I feel. I want him/her/them to know that they bring meaning to my life, they make life worth living. I want him/her/them to feel great about themselves too, because that's how they make me feel.

Probably one of the hardest decisions is when it's time to buy presents for your loved ones. How much of your local currency is lagom? Who decides "just the right amount" price? I think the question instead should be "which presents can possibly express how much I care about him/her/them" and which one(-s) can I afford. Sometimes presents which don't cost much, even nothing, with a lot of thought behind communicate the your best intentions.

I am not yet sure if "NOT being lagom" can be applied to every aspects of life. I believe that the ups and downs in life make life so much more interesting and tasteful. I know a man, an old man, who in his lowest moments, needs to retract into his cave for long periods of times, even days, not lagom at all, and process things so that he can cope the challenges he faces. It took sometime for him to acknowledge and face the facts and when he eventually did, he was in peace with himself. He learned to appreciate even these low  periods of his life.

I can go on and on with a lot of different examples, I am sure you get the point. Instead it's time to "strap on a pair", stand up, held your head high and declare your intentions to someone you care. Hey why not today? If he/she/they are near by just go over, if they are not where you are give him/her/them a call. Be honest, be real, be yourself and be anything BUT lagom.

I have a warning for you; not being lagom can easily be perceived as arrogance some countries and/or cultures. Finding and acting with humility is a rare quality in human nature so take also that into consideration.

With all that said, who's with me? I dare you to take a stand against "lagom".

What you care is all that matters...

Life goes on, things just happen and when they do you have the dilemma in your hands. Do you care what other people think about you, your family, your looks, your work, your personal style, your profession, your life?

We are all individuals and we all have different take on this subject, of course. It's not up to me to tell you how anyone should behave and/or act in any given situation. Essentially, in order to survive and hopefully to enjoy and appreciate life we need to develop our own set of values when we face the inevitable, people having opinions about ourselves, our family, our looks, our work, our style, our profession, our life.

My take on this subject is obviously is based on my own experiences and by no means is the silver bullet. I merely hope to awake your curiosity, remind you to think about the subject and make you aware of the fact you and only you hold the key to your own answers. I found our the hard way that I, many years ago, payed attention and was affected the fact that others had opinions about me and the way I behaved.

I started digging at the library, yes a physical library where you can borrow books, and later on internet and have now an understanding my own belief system and how I can cope with it.

I understood that, I had to be the first person to convince and appreciate myself. I started very simply making notes, daily basis, things I considered as achievements during the day. I also looked at who I was. Some of my attributes were decided by coincidence, attributes like gender, age, country of origin, hair colour, nationality, name and so on, you get the picture. To put in another way, I happened to be born in year of 1966, in Kelkit, north eastern Türkiye as the first born child of turkish parents and was given the name Ergin. I had nothing to do with any of these, apart from the fact that I was the "best swimmer" of many many sperms. :-)

Where and how I was brought up of course affected my personality and my belief system. When I look back to my life, in my early teens I was aware of this notion, I couldn't articulate it well but I was aware. Now I take pride in the fact that I'm turkish and have later in life chose to be a love immigrant, moved to another country, Sweden, for love of my life.

Long story short, first step was to appreciate my self and build on that. I knew that if I was going to be any help to my family, friends and loved ones, I had to love my self. I had to change a few, well quiet many actually, of my own beliefs and paradigms. Some were simple and easy, others were complicated and painful. Take my word for it, it takes time and it helps to document, making notes.

Next step came rather naturally to me, by chance in later years. I have always liked to read about Rumi, a 13th-centry poet, jurist, theologian and Sufi mystic. One day, when my flight was delayed from Istanbul, I found his books and tapes in a store and later started reading and meditating. I nowadays do this when I am out running and the mystical music help me to visualize.

These two steps I mentioned above helped me ground myself and gave me the energy and strength start communicating to people around me and eventually the world who I was, who I wanted to be and how I wanted to get there. I felt confident, proud and in peace with myself.

I now track my achievements by sending letters to myself every 6 months (at least). I get the idea from a management training from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I also started practising the art of prioritization, which I learned from a dear friends of mine, meant actively choosing things I should not be doing, which basically meant saying "No". My son, my guru, Håkan, gave me valuable lessons on this topic and he still do. I'm privileged to have access to my guru daily basis. :-)

Obviously this topic is very dear to me and I probably can write more. I think I'll stop very soon by saying, "what you care is all that matters". It takes some alterations in your belief system and paradigms, the progress can take a while and sometimes it even can be painful. Your are hereby warned!!!

I wish you can find your answers at the library, at the internet and I hope you've got some pointers of my experiences. If you don't that's okey too.

Believe in yourself and be yourself. We human beings can cope with more than we think when it comes to it. Wishing you all the best!


 

You don’t need to rush…

It’s yet another new year’s eve, according to Gregorian Calendar that is. All around the globe people from different countries, cultures, ages, beliefs  and religions will be celebrating. Many of them will be making new year’s resolutions, with good intentions when making these resolutions and unfortunately majority of them fail. The pop ten resolutions that fail are

• Lose Weight and Get Fit
• Quit Smoking
• Learn Something New
• Eat Healthier and Diet
• Get Out of Debt and Save Money
• Spend More Time with Family
• Travel to New Places
• Be Less Stressed
• Volunteer
• Drink Less

Anyhow, that’s not the point I wanted to make. I just want to share with you the way I nowadays think, after many years of own painfully acquired experiences of failed resolutions. I found out the hard way that making resolutions are totally okey. Making a resolution is basically in my own thinking means that you make a commitment to yourself, for yourself to make changes in your life, however small they may be, the resolution means a huge a lot to/for you. If it were not you would not make the commitment in the first place.
 

Making changes are I believe are all about paradigm shift (or revolutionary science) is, according to Thomas Kuhn, in his influential book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1962), a change in the basic assumptions, or paradigms, within the ruling theory of science. In order to change a paradigm I firmly believe that you need awareness of the present status of the resolution, acknowledge its’s effects on you, assess the level of commitment needed to achieve your targets and finally ask yourself if you are prepared to do what’s required. When you paid your dues, then and only then you’ll get what you deserve and be able to appreciate the results of the changes you made.

So, do you still feel like you want to make a new year’s resolution? Do you have the awareness of what needs to be changed in your life? Do you acknowledge the effects of them in your life? Have you assessed if you’ve got what it takes to make the change? Do you commit to that? Are you prepared to pay your dues? 

If not, take your time, don’t rush it. Instead make a resolution on another day, why not at March eqinox when spring comes and you get energize with more sun light? Or at Summer solstice, with midsummer songs and dances? There are so many other days like September eqinox or Winter solstice or any other day for that matter?

In my humble opinion I think resolutions are about making changes happen when you are ready and making changes for yourself. It doesn't really matter when you decide to make the changes so you'll know when it's the right time. You'll know when it's time to cease the day, when it's time to act on love, when it's time to be there for a friend, when it's time to be yourself, when it's time to be the nice guy, when it's time to be one of many nameless heroes.

So take it easy and enjoy your new years eve. You really don’t need to rush. I'll see you around!

Happy holidayzzZzzz...

It was dark this morning, the 19th of December 2014, as I was driving to Stockholm City. Even I miss the snow, not that because I am a winter person. I would like a little bit more of light instead of this dark heavy grey which seems to incapsulate us all...

In the radio stations many X-mas songs which bring a little bit of joy, radio presenters make an effort to wipe a little bit of the grey. When it's 07:00 CET it's the news Swedish Radio P1. I listen very keen to the news from Lebanon, about many Syrians families whom seek refuge and their huge humanitary needs of food, clothes, shelter, sanity and as well as notion that people from all around the world think of them. I would like to think that many people all around the world are in search of ideas so that they are able to help somehow.

I think we human beings need both of these realities. We need to chrerish these moments where we can be together with our families and loved ones to "fill up our emotional tanks" so that we have the energy needed to give a helping hand, whatever small it may be to those whom are in need.

So let us all celebrate holidays a little bit extra this year, get some well needed rest for the daily hassles, focus on the godd stuff. Let's all take the discussion with those around. I am a hundred percent sure that you'll find we all share the same willingness to be there for those who are not so priviliged as we all are.

Happy holidays! Until the next time we bump into each other, take good care of yourself, your loved ones and what a hell, take good care of everyone. :-)

You'll know when it's time...

It's human nature I guess, the desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. You know the feeling, it starts as a "why not", and after that "why not me", transformed into a "I wish" and later into "I'd like to" which you can now put into words and describe for yourself and more importantly you can describe to others, your friends, your colleagues, your family. You make the feeling to your own and suddenly you just know, it's time.

The decision process can be long and sometimes painful. I have learned to cherish the time. As I look back I am glad for the sleepless nights, I am happy for the countless hours of struggling to put my ideas into a piece of paper. Later in the process I have had the luxury of discussing my ideas with my friends and loved ones whom contributed to shape the idea into something tangible. They all helped me to get by and gain the power I need to take the next step.

Now I know what I want and I am pleased with the notion. I not only know where I want to be but also know my path and have a pretty good idea when I'll be there!

I know it's time, it's happening, it's now. I am going to make it happen!
Are you curious, may be a little, if you are, STAND BY. If not, thanks for reading so far, I'll see you around!

It's the day, it's D day (D as in my Daughter Denise)

It happened, my precious daughter have moved out to her own place. This week (1st week of September 2013) we have helped her to pack her stuff, drove them to her new place, carry things up. Today, the 4th of September, was the D DAY, we took the rest of her stuff to her new apartment. She is now settled.

I knew that this day was going to come, I prepared myself for many years. As I sit in her empty room, hear echo of me typing this blogg of her walls, I am filled with gratitude. I share her hopes and I share her joy. She is taking her first step into adulthood, whatever that is.

I am proud of her, I am proud of myself and I am proud of us as family. I sincerely thank her for being who she is, she is brave, honest and stand up not only for others but also for herself. She is a great young lady with all her future ahead of her. She gave me so many great moments, I cannot thank her enough. She thought me so much about life and myself, there is no way to pay her back. I just want her to know that she is the best daughter ever.

It's the day, it's D day, as in Denise. I wish you all the best. You know that I love you and I'll always will.

I can hardly see what I type, as I wipe tears of joy. Looking forward to new firsts with her. First coffee in her new place, first dinner, first Christmas, first .....